That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
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