She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
