sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
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