I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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