the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
