Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
