i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I wish life had little blips of pornography
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
