beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
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