My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
