It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
