last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
