my soul wont recognize me after tonight
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
