tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize
