Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
