Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Randomize
