I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
