I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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