She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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