I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
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