Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
