I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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