Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
