I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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