can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize
