Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I still have a little drunk in my system
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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