Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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