the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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