We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
