wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
It's official drugs can't kill me
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Randomize
