at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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