Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Randomize
