She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
