So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
