At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
