drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
