Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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