I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
only if we run a train.
done.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
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