Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
