i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
