I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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