the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
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