we have officially mastered the walk of shame
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Randomize
