OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Randomize
