does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
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