she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
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