He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
