OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
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