I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
