I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
