I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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