i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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