Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
My vagina is officially offended.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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